I kept feeling like it was time to add to our family but wanted to put it off for a few more months so I could have a spring baby. I wanted the kids to be close to 3 years apart but knew I didn't want to be big pregnant in the summer again... lesson learned with Lola. So I accepted the fact that they would be less than 3 years apart. I had talked to my mom about how far us kids were spaced out and what she liked the best and she said 3 years was perfect. She also said that she felt a little sad that Nicole and I were only 2 and a half years apart because she felt like I didn't get enough time to just be a baby before Nicole got here. So I knew I always wanted my kids to be 3 years apart. Oh how things change... I don't know how it was for you mom's but once I knew I wanted a baby, I had a very hard time putting it off- to keep with my time line. Especially with so many of my friends getting pregnant and the excitement that comes along with that. It made me even more baby hungry.
We decided to start trying since you never know if things will work out as well as they did the first time. Well.... it happened on the first try. I told my mom I was genuinely shocked when I saw the pregnancy test. I was expecting a negative and then we would see what the next month would bring. Surprise! It was surreal, but I feel very blessed that we have been able to conceive both children without complications. I have friends who have struggled with that and their strength amazes me.
After I knew I was pregnant, I started to feel kind of sad. Lola isn't quite two yet and the kids would be around 2 years and 5 months apart and that was too close in my mind. I couldn't even refer to the baby as the baby, because I didn't want Lola to know yet or feel confused. I know, I am crazy but I felt like I was cheating on her. I worried because she is still my baby and I didn't want that to change. I told myself that lots of people have kids closer together than I am and that Nicole and I were that close and are great friends and I didn't know any different when I was little, so I didn't feel "cheated" of my baby-hood. I was so excited to be having a baby but a little guilty at the same time.
Over the last few months I have been getting better and better about our big change and am getting prepared and even more excited. I don't feel as guilty now. Also knowing how excited Lola is makes it that much easier, Lola LOVES babies! I have been asking around to see if these are normal feelings and I would love to know how you mom's of 2 or more felt when you were expecting your second, third or so on.
I am not sure why I felt like I wanted to put this down. But it has been bugging me for a few weeks and so I am finally getting around to sharing it and would love any input anyone may have.
I am so happy and excited to be bringing this baby boy into the world and I think Chris is already planning what sports he will play with him and is thinking about all the rough housing that will take place in the Perry home ;) I know when this baby gets here that he will complete our family, Lola will love him to pieces and all will be well. I can't wait to see my two babies interacting and loving one another. What an amazing feeling that will be! I hope nobody thinks I am crazy but I had to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening!