Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Leap from 3 to 4

I kept feeling like it was time to add to our family but wanted to put it off for a few more months so I could have a spring baby.  I wanted the kids to be close to 3 years apart but knew I didn't want to be big pregnant in the summer again... lesson learned with Lola.  So I accepted the fact that they would be less than 3 years apart.  I had talked to my mom about how far us kids were spaced out and what she liked the best and she said 3 years was perfect.  She also said that she felt a little sad that Nicole and I were only 2 and a half years apart because she felt like I didn't get enough time to just be a baby before Nicole got here.  So I knew I always wanted my kids to be 3 years apart.  Oh how things change... I don't know how it was for you mom's but once I knew I wanted a baby, I had a very hard time putting it off- to keep with my time line.  Especially with so many of my friends getting pregnant and the excitement that comes along with that.  It made me even more baby hungry.

We decided to start trying since you never know if things will work out as well as they did the first time.  Well.... it happened on the first try.  I told my mom I was genuinely shocked when I saw the pregnancy test.  I was expecting a negative and then we would see what the next month would bring.  Surprise!  It was surreal, but I feel very blessed that we have been able to conceive both children without complications.  I have friends who have struggled with that and their strength amazes me.

After I knew I was pregnant, I started to feel kind of sad.  Lola isn't quite two yet and the kids would be around 2 years and 5 months apart and that was too close in my mind.  I couldn't even refer to the baby as the baby, because I didn't want Lola to know yet or feel confused.  I know, I am crazy but I felt like I was cheating on her.  I worried because she is still my baby and I didn't want that to change.  I told myself that lots of people have kids closer together than I am and that Nicole and I were that close and are great friends and I didn't know any different when I was little, so I didn't feel "cheated" of my baby-hood.  I was so excited to be having a baby but a little guilty at the same time.  

Over the last few months I have been getting better and better about our big change and am getting prepared and even more excited.  I don't feel as guilty now. Also knowing how excited Lola is makes it that much easier, Lola LOVES babies!  I have been asking around to see if these are normal feelings and I would love to know how you mom's of 2 or more felt when you were expecting your second, third or so on.

I am not sure why I felt like I wanted to put this down.  But it has been bugging me for a few weeks and so I am finally getting around to sharing it and would love any input anyone may have. 

I am so happy and excited to be bringing this baby boy into the world and I think Chris is already planning what sports he will play with him and is thinking about all the rough housing that will take place in the Perry home ;)  I know when this baby gets here that he will complete our family, Lola will love him to pieces and all will be well.  I can't wait to see my two babies interacting and loving one another.  What an amazing feeling that will be!  I hope nobody thinks I am crazy but I had to get this off my chest.  Thanks for listening!


  1. sooo excited for you= and all your feelings are very common. part of your mothering instincts, which are good and strong. your whole family will come together in ways you can't even imagine that will be awesome.

  2. As the little sister of the "too close siblings" but we are only 15 months apart, it was hard. I felt like I was a twin that was born just a few months later than my sister, she had SO many more pictures taken of her(is that vain sounding?) as the only child and I always felt like I ruined that for her and me. But I think 2 1/2 years apart is my ideal, so don't you sweat. Lola will love baby brother. Especially cause he will be a boy and she is a girl! 2 1/2 years is nothing, really. Rejoice you didn't have months and months of trying. Wow, that was long. Just felt like I had some input.

  3. Hey I think 2 1/2 years apart is just fine. Me, Missy and Joey are each 2 years apart (almost exactly 2 years inbetween each of us) I liked being that close to missy. We weren't too close but we weren't too far apart either. In school we were 2 grades apart so it wasn't an issue with friends and different things like that. I think it was easier for us to be friends too. Marcie and I are just about 4 yrs apart and I think that's too far apart but my mom didn't plan it that way she had a miscarriage inbetween us. Anyway so i think 2 1/2 years is a good gap not too close in age but not too far apart either. I hope this all made sense!! Love ya

  4. I think when you feel the time is right is when you should add to your family Contrary to popular belief there is no magical age separation. Its all about your particular family dynamic. Some families can handle having kids closer together and some need to space them further apart. Lola will adjust, just make certain you spend time with her by herself still and everything will be gravy!

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  6. Don't be surprised if some of these feelings come up again after the baby is born. I had a hard time having to care for a newborn because I felt like Ty was being neglected. But everyone gets used to it and you find a new routine & life returns to normal.

  7. To be honest, I sometimes wish that Jaime and I had been closer in years. We are 3 1/2 years apart. I think it would have been awesome to have my sister in the same school as me but we hadn't been in the same school since elementary. So don't even feel bad! I think they will still be very close.

  8. I've had kids 19 months and then 4 1/2 years apart so I don't know much about spacing things out in a reasonable way...but I know you're a great Mom and you'll make things work. That's just what you do and that's what will make your family special and unique. I'm so happy for you to have a little boy.


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