Thursday, May 20, 2010

Burning Question Number 6

I read a post today that got me thinking.... I want to know what other people think about this as well. Thus, the Burning Question. Can we really have it all? I guess this question is mostly for mom's and wives but anyone can have an opinion on the subject so chime in. Here it goes...

Do you ever think back to the good ole days of going out with friends every weekend, going dancing {80's night most of the time for us back in the day} or going to concerts all the time and basically not having anyone or anything to answer to? Sometimes I reminisce about the "old days" and I do have fond memories, but I would never change a thing about where I am today. Being a wife and a mother have been the most fulfilling things to ever happen in my life. They have brought me more joy than anything else ever has. But that doesn't change the fact that sometimes I crave the old, exciting, carefree feelings that were associated with that time in my life. I am an outgoing person {I didn't have to state the obvious ha ha} and I enjoy getting out and doing things with my friends sans hubby and child.

Chris (and his stupid ornery face) and I with Mike, Brit, Sindee, Jeanette and Jesse taking the pic

Should I feel guilty about that?

Should I feel like I need to be home and be content with that?

How do you guys reconcile the 2 sides of your personality OR do you not and just embrace one or the other?

{I am going to go ahead and answer this one now instead of later.} I feel that mom's and dad's need some time away from the kids, and even each other sometimes. We need to relax, have fun and socialize with friends or family in order to keep our sanity.{I think} Chris and I have always made a point to get out on dates together but also have guy's/girl's nights with friends. It has made things great for us! We don't ever have to feel guilty about leaving the other for the evening or be afraid that the other one will feel left out or be upset because we take turns and don't do it too often {obviously}. I have book club and girl's nights and dancing with the ladies and Chris has season tickets to ReAl Salt Lake Soccer with some buds and has guy's nights as well. We love our night's out!

I think we can have it all. We don't need to lose ourselves because we have taken on new roles in life. We can grow and become a better version of us but we don't have to forget who we are and feel like we need to be or feel a certain way just because we have been given more responsibility. You can be a good parent and/or spouse and have a fun, carefree side as well.... In my humble opinion. :)

What do you people think? How do you deal with this in your life? Do you think you can have both? Do you think I should simmer down? (ha)

These festivities below were for Amanda's Bday a few months ago!We were dancing machines!
3 of us are married and 4 have kids :)
Wearing all the bling that the club owner gave us with our special Bday treats and such.


  1. Well, I'm not a mother obviously so I can't pipe in for the mothers but I definitely have my opinion on this as a wife. Unfortunately, I didn't really ever have a carefree no one to answer to lifestyles because I got married really young so I went straight to my parent's to being Daren's wife. I don't regret getting married one bit at the age I chose to get married. I regret giving up on high school relationships while I was still in high school. So, I don't miss my old carefree days cause I was stupid then. But as for the girls/guys nights I think it's great you guys have incorporated that into your lifestyles because since I chose to give up on friends and Daren still has all his friends I do feel dumped on all the time because he's with his friends WAAAAY more than I'm with my "friends"(family...) However, I don't try to not let it get me down because I LOVE being the homemaker. When he comes home from fishing to a home cooked meal and sparkling clean house I feel like I accomplished something. Sorry that was incredibly long and probably didn't make sense. I think some people can have it all, if they put the effort in to continue what they consider "all" in their life.

  2. I think that as long as your sanity and your family are strong and your relationships healthy, there is nothing wrong with doing it all.

    But I think it's wrong to say that just because we become wives and mothers we automatically aren't ourselves anymore. For me, all I ever wanted to accomplish is to be a great wife and mom, that IS ME and that is what I do. Everything I've done in my life and continue to do is because of those roles.

    That being said, I do need my moments away now and then.

  3. I used to think you had to choose being a mom or having a career. Part of that stems from my mom being home w/ us and not going out much at all. I've since learned my mom didn't go out b/c she was terribly shy and didn't make friends easily. I've also recently come to the realization being a wife and mother cannot be all there is in a woman's life. You tend to loose yourself in those roles (and if you work in that role as well). We define ourselves so much by outside influences and feel guilty if we yearn for something more. I believe we should allow ourselves as responsible adults-regardless of our personal situations-to have fun. Whether you're climbing the corporate ladder or changing poopy diapers or juggling both you need to have a night out (or a night to yourself) every once in awhile. Its so rejuvenating to get out and just be a woman and I think it helps you to be an all around better person. As women, we need to stop beating ourselves up so much.

  4. I think about this a lot actually in our marriage. It's really important to have a relationship with your spouse (it's what our children rely on) and it's also important to be sane for our children. For me personally, it doesn't mean a whole lot of alone time. I don't do well with a lot of alone time or necessarily with friends. I am keenly aware that Kellen does need time with the buds and so I try to encourage him doing so. It used to be the band and then sometimes it's fishing or exercising.

    I have noticed over time that some mom's handle being home all the time very well. BUT a lot of mom's don't. It seems they feel pressured to want to be at home with their children but in reality their children are suffering from their mom's own guilt. These mom's need nurturing also. I probably would not do so well if I was home ALL the time. My outlet is my career...I get to walk away for a bit. Hopefully soon I'll be home more and career will only be a few hours but I'll probably look forward to those few hours!

    So yeah. There needs to be balance and we need to listen to our needs as well as our children's and spouse.

  5. I know I'm totally late on this one, but I think there are two kinds of moms: moms with nannies and moms without nannies. They have their goods and their bads, but they are so completely different you can't even compare the two.

  6. I love spending time with Sophie and she is like my little best friend. I have no desire to go out and do things without her at this point to be honest, and I think Kale feels the same way. We take her out to eat, to Lagoon (even though she can't ride anything), swimming, and it's going to be really hard to leave her when we go on an overnight thing for our anniversary in June. I guess my focus had changed and I'd rather be a mother than a single girl. (I kinda got off topic a little with my answer... )

  7. So I'm late on this but I feel the same as you do Dari. I love love love being a mom, and spending time with Jaxon and Scotty brings me more joy than anything else. But that being said I don't see anything wrong with getting some away time. I stay home with Jaxon everyday. And its the best job. But I don't think that you have to lose yourself once you become a mom. Its okay to have hobbies and go out with the girls. Scotty and I do like you and Chris. He has guys nights and I have my girl time. Granted its not often but it is wonderful. And I think something that helps a ton is having friends that have kids too. Like the days we spend together. We're still busy taking care of Lola and Jax but we are able to have some 'adult conversation' and have some needed 'girl time'. I think I might go a little crazy if none of my friends had kids :)

    And sure sometimes I think of the single days and reminisce. But then I am reminded of how much happier I am now. And don't get me wrong I love our nights out dancing, but it is nice to come home to Jaxon and Scotty waiting for me.

    So yes I think you can be a mom and have it all. You just have to figure out a balance.

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